I was emailed a conversation between Jay Eden (he is part of the South African boy-band Eden) and Verster du Plessis, a fan, earlier this week. Thought I’d share what they said. I’ve made formatting changes only to ease readability.

Jay Eden said:
Visited the site…guess what I found? Someone that does’nt like us or our music and is actually judgemental even though you probably haven’t heard a single song…what a relief, I thought there were just no more idiots anymore. WOW.

Verster Du Plessis [April 10 at 6:23pm] said:
So you took time out of your day to reply to some random criticism on the Internet?

Dude, seriously, you’re going to have to grow a thicker skin than that. If you get your panties in a bunch every time someone on the Internet says you suck, and you actually take the time to write a pissy, sarcastic reply, you’re not gonna have enough time to gel your quiff or pose for shirtless pictures. You’ll spend all day typing poorly worded notes filled with ineffective rhetoric.

Look, I get it, 13 year old girls don’t have a high bar for artistic merit, and if you can make money off them good for you, but don’t be surprised when reasonable adults criticize your music, it’s an occupational hazard.

Also, may I mention that the sarcasm in your note is an extremely ineffective tool. Sarcasm is a form of irony intended to either insult (or wound) or be humorous. Assuming that what I said annoyed you so much that you felt the urgent need to fire off a silly message we can rule out an attempt to make me giggle, which leaves only the intention, on your part, to insult me, in which case you have also failed abysmally. You’ll need to do better than call me an idiot to get under my skin, sir. But then again, I don’t think Eden is know for skillful writing or the occasional clever turn of phrase, huh?

By the way, please point me in the direction of the offending comment, as I can’t remember posting it (it’s probably a long time ago) but I sure would enjoy seeing what it was that made you neglect your lady like manners.

Yours Truely
Verster

P.s. I have heard your music. Unlike you I do not judge from ignorance.
P.P.S. It still blows.

Jay Eden [April 15 at 7:09pm] said:
Lovely essay. Wanker. Thanks for the english lesson. Again, you’re judgment is based on statistics in your mind, which you really want to believe. You’re way off dude and if you think that after 12 years of battling it out in the music industry that your one tiny little comment offended me you’re flattering yourself.

It was fun to reply and if I really wanted to make a spectacle I would’nt have replied to your personal mail.

You know nothing about me or my artistic ability or background so I still think your a prejudice, judegemental idiot.

No go be a good boy and play with yourself or you could just kiss my ass, iether way, I don’t give a shit!

Jay Eden [April 15 at 7:12pm] said:
That’s you’re and judgemental. Typing fast, hate wasting my time.

Verster Du Plessis [April 16 at 3:41pm] said:
Lucky for you I have a bit of time on my hands to deconstruct your infantile little attempt at a retort. So here goes:

>> Lovely essay.
You don’t really know what an essay is, do you? Were you trying to equate my response to “a short piece of writing on a particular subject.” or a “formal an attempt or effort”. Oh, I get it you were trying to say that I’m long winded. Only in the most feeblest of minds is an essay considered a long piece of writing, but then again, what can a person expect from a genius whose pinnacle of literary achievement is penning the lyrics for “Kniee Lam” (which admittedly you may not have written… which is much much worse.)

>>Wanker.
C’mon tiger, you can do better than that. If you want to insult me you got to put in some effort. How about “fat, flatulent, inbred shrimp dicked loser”, or “revolting bovine goat defiler”. You could have even googled an insult and copied someone else’s insult with out me being none the wiser. But then again maybe that’s a bit much to ask, as all the evidence points to mediocrity being your milieu.

>> Thanks for the english lesson.
Not much of a lesson, but you needed the help, and I’m always happy to oblige.

>> Again, you’re judgment is based on statistics in your mind, which you really want to believe. You’re way off dude…
Statistics? Really? Please indulge me and point out to where I quote statistics. I assume you refer to where I imply that the bulk of your audience are 13 year old girls, which may have been a bit of an exaggeration, but I doubt that it’s too far from the truth. Even so, I find it amusing that this is something you’d take issue with, seeing as how it just means that your audience comprises of a bunch of adult imbeciles. Personally I’d go with the 13 year old girls if I were you.

>>…and if you think that after 12 years of battling it out in the music industry
What do you want, a medal. What do you have to show for twelve years? Do you think anything you created will out last the “fad” that is Eden? You’re a product, not an artist. Once the tweens grow up they’ll forget about you..

>>that your one tiny little comment offended me you’re flattering yourself.
Yet you took the time to write back. You could have let it go. Just ignored it. But then you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to tell me how little you cared about what I said.

Yet, it completely escapes you that the fact that you wrote back proves the contrary.

>>It was fun to reply
Oh yeah. Replying to some random critic is all the rage these days. Whoo hoo! Good times.

>>and if I really wanted to make a spectacle I would’nt have replied to your personal mail.
What would you have done? Replied my comment in public? Please, go ahead. Make even more of an ass of yourself than you already have.

You see, you replying to my comment in the first place is a no win situation for you. You must have know there is no way that you could get me to change my opinion by writing me a note, you however, do have something to lose. Your dignity… oh, wait, that ship has sailed a long time ago.

>>You know nothing about me or my artistic ability or background so I still think your a prejudice, judegemental idiot.
Au contraire, mon frère, I have a pretty good idea of your artistic ability. You put it out there for the whole world to judge. So yeah, that was a pretty dumb thing to say.

As for your background, it has no bearing on the matter at hand. It doesn’t matter if you were abandoned in a forrest and raised by a tribe of hermaphroditic cannibalistic midgets, your music is still empty meaningless drivel. No matter what your background, it’s no excuse for being bad at what you do. Greatness rises above adversity.

>>No go be a good boy and play with yourself or you could just kiss my ass, iether way, I don’t give a shit!
Argumentum ad nauseam don’t work, and it won’t change the realty sir. You keep saying that you don’t care, yet you keep replying, proving that you do.

Repeating your I don’t care mantra won’t change the fact that you do.

>> That’s you’re and judgemental.
Trust me, spelling is the least of your troubles sir.

>>Typing fast, hate wasting my time.
Apparently you don’t hate wasting your time, as this is what you’re doing by responding to me. Not that I don’t enjoy our little tête-à-tête, but I can’t possibly fathom what you have to gain from it, as all you’re doing is making yourself look like an even bigger ass. Granted your threshold for withstanding embarrassment must be pretty high by now, but at least you get paid for acting like a retard on stage, here you just act like a retard for free… or are old habits hard to break?

Hugs and kisses.
Verster

Jay Eden [April 17 at 6:02pm] said:
Gotta be honest with you dude, really don’t have time to read whatever crap you came up with this time, but thanks for wasting your time again.

You have a guitar in your hand there? So you must be like world famous or some shit to have this huge opinion on other succesful artists…Not.

You suck, you’ll obviously never make it, you’re probably seriously lonely and I still don’t give a shit! Wanker.

Verster Du Plessis [April 17 at 7:32pm] said:
>>>Gotta be honest with you dude, really don’t have time to read whatever crap you came up with this time, but thanks for wasting your time again.
Yeah, of course you didn’t. Your ego wouldn’t allow you not to get the last word in. You amuse me.

>>>You have a guitar in your hand there? So you must be like world famous or some shit to have this huge opinion on other succesful artists…Not. 
I’ll be the first to admit I suck at playing guitar. Just like you I suck at making music, but the difference between you and I is that I’m self aware enough to realize that I suck whilst your delusions of adequacy certainly have gotten the best of you.

>>>You suck, you’ll obviously never make it, 
“Making it” certainly isn’t within the purview of my aspirations. And I find it extremely funny that you think you have “made it”.

What exactly have you made? You are a prop, a gimmick. You sir, are fucking clown shoes.

>>>you’re probably seriously lonely and I still don’t give a shit!
If you want to convince yourself of that to make yourself sleep better then, well, you just go ahead slugger. Sweet dreams.

>>>Wanker.
Try this website: http://www.insultme.net/. They have some original and clever insults. Next time you feel like calling someone a wanker go check it out. It may make you look like a little bit less of an ass if your insults are at least clever.